Girls & Sex: Navigating the Complicated New Landscape

The chapter opens with one of Orenstein’s interviewees watching a video of Pam Stenzel, an abstinence-only educator, talking to teenagers about preserving their virginity before marriage. Christina found Stenzel cheesy, but she didn’t disagree about the value of remaining a virgin before marriage.

The average age of virginity loss in the United States is 17, and two-thirds of teenagers have had intercourse at least once before college. In studies about virginity, over half of those interviewed report being drunk the first time they had sex. Many of the girls Orenstein spoke with were sexually active for years before having intercourse. Feminists have argued for decades that virginity is an archaic and meaningless concept. There is no medical basis for it, as many are born without hymens or break them through everyday activities like exercise, tampons, or masturbation. Jessica Valenti, the author of The Purity Myth, writes that it’s even socially meaningless since one can reinstate one’s virginity through a new commitment to abstinence before marriage.

As Orenstein notes, first intercourse is rarely the romantic, significant event it’s set up to be. It’s awkward and often unenjoyable for the girl, even when in a good situation. Many young women lose their virginities out of fear of being judged as prudish, and many of those women get drunk to do so.